Why do I get sad after sex?

Do you always feel really sad and emotionally drained after sex? The sex is great but you can not control the bad feeling right after. Whether you are the person feeling sad after sex or the one that gets to witness this emotion from your partner. I would love to inform you that it is a rather common experience in both men and women although slightly higher in women.

The medical term of this feeling is Post coital dysphoria, Post-Coital Tristesse, PCD, or post sex blues. Which means deep sadness or agitation after consensual sex, even if the encounter was loving and satisfying. It can happen to anyone and can last for a few minutes or several hours.

Dysphoria is when your emotional experience doesn’t seem to fit the way you should feel. If you feel sad, depressed, tearful even after everything was good during the sex and you enjoyed it a few minutes ago then something is wrong.

There is a comedown period after having sex, your heart beat reduces, breathing slows, and your muscles relax. For some they cuddle, take a nap but for others it leads to deep sadness.

This affects people in different ways; Some people break down in tears, some people just feel sad or let down, some become hostile and augmentative with their partner.

Here are some factors that could cause you to experience Post Sex Blues:
1. Hormones: After orgasm the body releases prolactin among other chemicals. The drastic comedown could result to sadness, or maybe you may not want to break up the intimacy yet.
2. Moral issues: most of us grew up in cultures that tag sex as immoral, shameful and dirty. We keep hearing this and it affects us unknowingly. This may lead to feeling regret and disappointment after sex.
3. Trauma: from sexual or physical abuse. It could be a trauma from childhood, past or present relationships.
4. Problem in the relationship: this may make one feel that sex is being used by their partner as a tool to fix a pre-existing issue.

Taking control of PCD

● Acknowledge the feeling: which is usually the first step to tackling any problem. Being aware of how you feel, gives you a heads up to know what to expect and possibly come up with coping skills to manage the condition.
● After care: both partners check in on one another to see if both are alright after having sex. It could be just talking, cuddling or maybe eating a snack with your partner.
● Self-reflection: do the hard work by finding out what exactly is causing you to feel the way you feel. Could it be trauma as a child, were you abused by a previous partner, what is your attitude towards sex and intimacy, is there a problem in your relationship, how is the sex, are you having problem with the reason behind you having sex in the first place.
● Visit a sex and relationship counsellor: in case you need someone putting you through the self-reflection and healing process by really getting to the root cause of the feeling. Maybe you just need someone to talk to without feeling judged.

Post coital dysphoria can really put a strain on any relationship. If you, your partner or someone you know is going through this just know that there is an underlying issue causing the sadness.
Use the consult a doctor>/ platform to get a counseling sessions for you and your partner today.

Love and Light

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